A Narrow Line

The summer’s whirl of activity has left me breathless. As the days grow shorter, bit by bit, I feel things calming down just enough to let the air in.

Outside the window the wind mingles with traffic into one sound. There is a huge amount of activity lurking under a tranquil surface. If I don’t pay attention, I don’t realize just how tightly wound I am, how thin my skin is at the moment.

When I was younger, I got stung by a jellyfish. It wasn’t a bad sting, but I remember the unsettling way the tentacles felt caressing my calf.

I can feel the tendrils of depression touching me gently, and the reaction in my body is very similar. I have no desire to get pulled back into that dark place, into that ocean of boundless sadness.

I was reminded today that even if things don’t always go perfectly, the very act of striving to be better is a noble goal in itself.

I don’t believe we’re hopeless as we fear,
or as good as we appear

— Yo La Tengo, “All Your Secrets”

Sometimes I feel that I’m constantly on the edge of a huge adventure. Sometimes I feel that I’m already in the thick of things. But really it’s both at once.

There some moments where the feeling of gratitude is so full and present that it enrobes me like a favorite blanket.

I’m facing a new week with the opportunity to get a lot of needed work done. It’s a combination of inspiring and daunting, as so many weeks like this seem to dash by without anything being accomplished. I’ve got a plan made with some mileposts to keep me on track, and some opportunities to relax and have fun so I don’t get bogged down in seriousness. For me, being able to lighten up and stay that way is often the best way to be productive.

I wonder if some things are just inexpressible. Even if it were so, I can’t imagine not trying to express them.

This morning’s walk through the neighborhood was magical. Snow and ice are omnipresent. Walking past snowbanks taller than me, being dazzled by the sunlight reflecting from millions of ice crystals, experiencing the textures of the constantly changing ground under my feet. I couldn’t stop smiling in wonder.